This Side of Invisible

As a mother, the questions, "Am I doing enough?  Am I doing it right?" are always at the forefront of my thoughts.  I think it is for most, if not all, mothers. And we judge ourselves by our children's behavior, both good and bad.  They have a bad day and make bad choices; I am a bad mother.  They have a great day and do something awesome; I'm humbled, knowing I'm doing at least a few things right.  The thing is neither of these statements is true. Not entirely anyway. Children have their own personalities, weaknesses, strengths, likes/dislikes, willpower, triggers, pleasures, pains.  They are each so unique, how could we ever come up with a formula that measures our mothering skills based upon their behavior?  Because, in reality, we have no control over their behavior.   Can we influence it?  Absolutely.  Can we contribute to it?  Definitely.  But can we control it?  Maybe, if we really want to, by coercion, fear, physical restraint.  I don't see those t

I've recently started participating in a women's group devoted to overcoming shame.  The idea of shame is new to me.  Not that I didn't know what shame was, I simply didn't think I had any.  I don't have conscious thoughts of self-loathing, self-questioning, feeling incompetent (not overly anyway), feeling worthless, etc.  I don't look in the mirror and hate myself.  I don't often get embarrassed or worry about what others think.  Very little in my conscious thought process suggests shamefulness.  However, I have come to discover that a lot of my behavior suggests that I don't value myself as I should and that, in fact, I do suffer from a shame-based identity. I am working, really hard I might add, to do a 180 and obtain a worthiness-identity.  I want an identity that says, "I am good.  I am enough.  I am worthy of love and belonging.  I matter."  I want everything I think, say, do to emphasize that.  I want the way I connect and interact wit

By now, I'm sure, you've realized that what you stole from me has little to no worldly value.  Of course, you might get a few hundred dollars for the DVDs, iPod, jacket and bag you took, but my scriptures, my journal, my family history research that were in that bag can have little value to anyone but me and my posterity.  Well, maybe that's not exactly true. What if you opened my scriptures and saw the notes in the margins?  Could you feel how much I wanted to be a better mother by all the notes I made regarding parenting? For instance, near Alma 56:48 "And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saving: We do not doubt our mothers knew it."  I had written in the margins something like "There is no substitute for a righteous mother."  What if you read all the verses I had highlighted and underlined and cross-referenced?  Hopefully, you'd learn how much I valued things like prayer, fasting, family, covenants, and the Savior, Jesus Christ