This Side of Invisible

  A few weeks ago, there was a total solar eclipse. There have only been 15 visible in various parts of the United States in the last 150 years, making it a once in a lifetime experience for many. The anticipatory excitement was palpable, parties were planned, venues were booked out months in advance; the metroplex experienced a shortage of porta-potties due to the influx of visitors, all flocking here to witness the miraculous workings of the universe. At the moment of totality, when the world was cast into darkness, there was a collective gasp. Then crowds erupted in exclamations of wonder. High fives, fist bumps, and hugs were abundant as on-lookers basked in the ordered glory of the laws of physics.  photo credit As the minutes stretched on, a soul-deep quiet settled.The world stilled. We breathed as one. Some put hands to their hearts as our infinite smallness grew under the umbrella of that moment, when time and space stood still. Suddenly, with a burst of light, the spe...

I've recently started participating in a women's group devoted to overcoming shame.  The idea of shame is new to me.  Not that I didn't know what shame was, I simply didn't think I had any.  I don't have conscious thoughts of self-loathing, self-questioning, feeling incompetent (not overly anyway), feeling worthless, etc.  I don't look in the mirror and hate myself.  I don't often get embarrassed or worry about what others think.  Very little in my conscious thought process suggests shamefulness.  However, I have come to discover that a lot of my behavior suggests that I don't value myself as I should and that, in fact, I do suffer from a shame-based identity. I am working, really hard I might add, to do a 180 and obtain a worthiness-identity.  I want an identity that says, "I am good.  I am enough.  I am worthy of love and belonging.  I matter."  I want everything I think, say, do to emphasize that.  I want the way I co...