Skip to main content

deep breath


Been having the writing itch/ache for a fews days and actually had a day today when I could sit and write. My writing program scrivener (if I haven't mentioned it's amazing qualities yet, know it is amazing) would not open. Went to the website and re-downloaded, no problem. Went to get to work... MY FILES WERE GONE!!! THE files. Lainey and Varick and Dee and Lance and Dane. Gone.

I tried to calm myself as I searched for them. I'm sure they're here somewhere, just got shuffled around when I downloaded the new version. Calm down, slow your breathing... DO NOT CRY. Nope, not in that file either. Let's try under Documents... things always get lost in the documents folder. Ok, not there either, but they have to be somewhere! Keep looking.

I was hyperventilating by this point. My hands were shaking as I tried to maneuver the mouse. My chest started pounding. My panic-meter was rapidly rising. The kids were getting restless and starting to fight... yeah, I knew our quiet, peaceful, non-busy day would bite me in the butt. Emeryss tried to ask me for something and I completely snapped at her, which I immediately felt guilty for. I turned to apologize to her and she said, "Mom? What's wrong? Why are you going to cry? It's ok. I can get a snack by myself."

I seriously searched the computer for over half an hour. And I was in tears.

Big sigh. My heart is still racing a bit, but I finally did find them. Thank the Lord, because I don't know if I would have recovered if all that writing had been lost.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Being Dismissed from Services

I heard those dreaded words today. "I'm afraid that most likely your child doesn't qualify for services anymore." I paused afraid that if I responded too soon I'd yell or cry. I asked a few clarifying questions, blinking back tears of panic. I held my own for nearly the entire conversation. And then the therapist said, "You should be so proud, Mom. He's made so much progress." Then, I cried. The truth is he has made so much progress. The truth is I am very proud of him. Still, the truth is I hate hearing those words. Every time a specialist says to me that one of my children "no longer qualifies" for services, bile-like panic rises in my chest. "But he still has such anger issues," I said. And, "His impulsiveness gets in his way on a daily basis," I added. Doesn't she know? Can't she see the things I see? "I did tell you that he pulled a knife on his brother last week, didn't I?" Somehow she h...
6 comments
Read more

because he deserves his own post too

The surest way to bring tears to my eyes: in your moment of vulnerability, tell me you love me.  I will feel honored, blessed beyond deserving and like the luckiest girl in the world.  This is something my husband gets. I'm going to tread lightly with this next thought, because I love the freedom we have to write whatever is in our hearts and I don't want to heard as only saying I don't think women should be writing about women's issues... but, I have to say, it makes me sad how few articles, blog posts and even status updates there are praising the good men of the world.  Good men, like my husband.  Good men that work long hours at thankless jobs... just like their wives.  Good men that pull double duty, going to school and working full-time... just like their wives.  Good men that love their children, sacrifice daily for their happiness... just like their wives.  Good men that are overwhelmed with the various and conflicting expectations placed...
1 comment
Read more

Diligence and Obedience Bring Safety and Peace

I've had a few people ask for copies of a talk that I recently gave in our ward's Sacrament meeting, so I am putting it here with the thought that maybe others will appreciate it too. Please find at the end a reference list for all sources I used in planning and preparing this talk. Diligence and Obedience Bring Safety and Peace Today we live in an unstable world. Due to this instability many are security obsessed. They buy the top-of-the-line locks and alarm systems for our homes and our vehicles. They buy expensive insurance policies, even for their pets. They invest their money in stocks and bonds to "keep it safe." We have large militaries and governments. We have nuclear weapons as deterrents. We band hand lotion and breast milk and nail clippers from airplanes. We even go so far as to invade others privacy in the name of security, so that we ourselves can be safe. That's not to say that any, or all, of these things are wrong or even unne...
Post a Comment
Read more