Sunday, August 26, 2012

Back to the Future lied to me...

I recently saw a post circulating on FB that said something to the effect that Back to the Future had lied to us because we don't have dryers that fold our laundry for us yet.  And while I do have a wish for the future of technology, it doesn't involve laundry that comes out of the dryer folded or dishes that wash themselves.  Let me explain.

FB status update, January 27, 2012:

This is why Geoff and I were inspired to get liability insurance: my 3 dear sons just shot up the missionaries car with their bb guns while trying to chase off a skunk that was roaming up and down our street. Driver's window ruined and about 10 bb dings up and down the driver's side from bumper to bumper. Oh, and let's not forget the scratch down the side where someone ran into the car with their bike. Did I mention it was a 2012 chevy malibu... a 2012. Go big or go home, we've taught them well. Now, maybe we should invest in shooting lessons and work on their aim? In the meantime, every weapon and everything that can be construed as a weapon has been collected--to include every video game with weapons in it--has been confiscated. And they are working for the rest of the day doing every chore around here from mopping to scrubbing toilets, dishes and laundry. Yes, there is lots of crying going on... and I'm proud to say none of it is coming from me :)

FB status update, February 11, 2012

Lovely way to start out a Saturday: having a neighbor inform you that they have a bb shot/crack in a window at the back of their house... that just happens to back up to our house. The bb bandits strike again! Or rather, had caused yet more damage than I had supposed when said bb guns were in their possession. They haven't had them or any other weapon real, play or handcrafted in their possession since the other incident. What am I to do with these boys? I know one thing: Santa is on my permanent naughty list for bringing my crazy sons bb guns! The neighbor was great about it though... he laughed and said "maybe they saw a bird up on the window ledge or something?"

**I know what you're thinking, BB guns and boys with special needs don't mix... and I'm surprised?  Tell it to Santa.

Pinewood Derby champs today, Expert Marksmen tomorrow.


So what does this have to do with my future wish for technology?  Let me explain, it's quite simple really. You know there are several movies about technology getting to the point where people are chipped and tracked. Where those chips are our new currency system or they give us an allotted amount of time to live or they track our life force through a game of death in some cybernetically controlled arena when people all over the country are starving to death and are being forced to watch the death match. (apparently, I just made up the word, cybernetically, score!)  While most of those things would certainly be wicked--as in plans of the devil, not as in super cool--I have to admit that when it comes to my children, I could totally dig chips to monitor their behavior. No more coming into a room and being totally horror stricken by what they have done. It's not like I want to control their every move; I am a firm believer in free agency. But I often feel like a dog chasing its tail, never able to keep up with everything or everyone and falling into bed some days feeling helpless and hopeless as I tackle single parenting while hubby is in England. Is it so wrong to want an extra set of eyes to help keep utter chaos at bay?  The bb gun catastrophes could have certainly been adverted if such technology was available and legal. I mean, people chip their pets, why not our kids?

p.s. while I'm at it, do you think I could get away with also putting a shock collar on my kids?  the noise level around here is sometimes migraine inducing.

p.p.s. ok, ok, you're calling my bluff.  i would never actually put chips or collars on my kids... ok, ok.  fine.  I would do the collars.  i mean, I was the mom at the airport that had 3 kids on leashes and a baby strapped to my chest once upon a time.  a collars like just a half step up from that, right?

p.p.s.s. (I don't actually know what comes after p.p.s.)  anyway, do you like how I am too lazy to write facebook or to capitalize my post-scripts?

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